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Thread: Once more unto the breach mt friends... the 4th Battle of Henley

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    Default Once more unto the breach mt friends... the 4th Battle of Henley

    It started with a select few, and advanced party who bravely went undercover on a recon mission. Sergeant Major Bonar MBJ and Field Marshal Fran bravely risked all for future generations in 2015. The following year, an well supplied force went in, going over the top to ensure the success of their mission, receiving spectacular fire towards the end of their foray, but surviving to tell the tale. Last year, the levels of supplies had increased even further, and the advanced base camp was wilder, but the mission remained the same, though the incoming rounds were feeble in comparison. And so we come to 2018, and the 4th Battle of Henley.


    The Sergeant Major had once more rallied his troops, and this year planned a two-pronged assault. Half the party would infiltrate the day before the main assault, to lie up undercover. Once again, our original protagonists would undertake this most dangerous of tasks. Dangerous to the liver, that is. The reserves, General Jon and Major Mal, would time their assault to maximise the impact on the Saturday evening. This is the field report from the perspective of the reserves.


    RZ was once again the ancient dockyard at Aston Ferry. This army knows how to faff, and the faffing from the Major was stretched out to an impressive length of time, but eventually the General and he were afloat.









    Upstream they battled. At least, the General battled, for he had deployed his secret beer-cooling mechanism off the port side, which successfully reduced the speed of the attack to about 1 mile an hour. Soon they were in the depths of the great lock.















    As they paddled on, the water was busy with other craft, spectacularly long craft that you could almost land a Tiger Moth on, as well as other elegant machines.









    Already the crowds were gathering, as rowers raced up and down the long strait. The parking area for these streamlined craft showed just how difficult it is to bring them to the battlefront.









    Soon, they were approaching the town of Henley-on-Thames itself, as the heat bore down on their Pith Helmets.


















    Suddenly, The Duck appeared. Last year, they had chased this beast for an hour, before finally coming alongside and finding its crew to be friend not foe. There were plenty of other signs of the festivities to come.









    As they approached the bridge, a message was received. Their new RZ was a Naval Base on the far bank beyond the bridge.






    The RZ approached. From the distant bank, a craft launched, as Field Marshall Fran paddled out into the fray. She had been busy, and had recruited a new Captain, with many years of experience. Well four. Captain Rory would lead our fleet from the front. This would now be a Joint Forces exercise, both Navy and Army would go into battle, from their new advanced base, aboard T.S. Guardian.









    On the bank ahead, a fine still-standing, I meand upstanding, figure. Once more, Sergeant Major Bonar MBJ had done us all proud, presenting himself and his craft in the highest standard.


    [















    The fleet was inspected, and found to be suitably eccentric.










    After an arduous battle upstream against a headwind and, in the case of General Jon, some beer drag, the reserves were pleased to discover that re-hydration and refuelling were the next things on the itinerary.


















    At this point, we must pause a short while, for the next event is of great import, involved a secret assignment, and should be given due respect.
    Last edited by Mal Grey; 23rd-July-2018 at 09:03 PM.

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    Now it can be revealed that Major Mal had been given a secret mission, but one he was honoured to perform. It came from High Command, none less than Field Marshall Magikelly himself. For he had recognised service to the cause that needed to be recognised and rewarded.


    And so, it gave Major Mal great honour to present to Sergeant Major Bonar MBJ, recognition of his services to Song of the Paddle, which have gone way beyond the call of duty on so many missions. For these selfless acts, providing incredible feasts and mad inspiration to so many, a medal and a special reward, hand made by the hands of the High Commander himself, were given. At this point, I ask you all to rise, salute the flag, and stand for the National Anthem.












    Now, it was time to enter the fray.

  3. #3

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    Ya know, I used to be pretty close to the daughter of the Colonel of the Canadian Black Watch - the Royal Highland Regiment of Canada - and I'm pretty sure the ol' boy would have had apoplexy at the sight of those Crocs with that kilt!

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    The festivities were over, and it was time to get serious. The fleet launched once more onto the sparkling waters, fuelled by sparkling wines. Captain Rory gave out orders, many of them, and applied his Turbo speed whenever necessary. The presence of the Captain turned out to be an unexpected bonus, for he charmed all and sundry before him and became the focus of attention for a thousand cameras.


















    It was time for the first patrol. Each patrol would consist of a circuit of the course, giving passing honours to all craft as they went.






    The fleet also performed services to castaways, such as providing bottle openers to those who should have been better prepared.






    For now, after their first patrol, all was quiet. It was time to Go Over The Top, at the Angel on the Bridge.













    Oy, soldier, NO UPSKIRTING!


    They moored the fleet and headed for the bar, where appropriate refreshment was found.


















    They launched back into busy waters, for many craft were now gathering in the evening light. Now they employed their master weapon, Captain Rory himself, to great effect, as the passed the great and the good.






























    Smaller craft were moored in the poor seats, to hear but not see the entertainment for the night, which included music from Curtis Stigers and Ronnie Scott's Big Band. It appeared that the Fleet, being afloat, were not in breach of the Dress Code and were, in fact, properly attired.
























    By now, craft of all different sizes were patrolling with them.















    With his part in the mission complete, Captain Rory was delivered to his Aides/parents.






    The remainder of The Party gathered ashore to refuel appropriately.









    Each Patrol circuit was becoming slightly more erratic, much, much busier, slower and much more fun. The Fleet was surrounded by, and welcomed into, a host of people enjoying themselves immensely on a warm summer's eve. The Duck was ever present.

































    It was lighting up time.





















    BANG. BOOM. Suddenly they were under fire. Far more impressive than the previous years feeble efforts.


















    One more patrol, and they headed back to T.S. Guardian. About time too, judging by the final photos...






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    The final act of the day, other than further Rehydrashun, was a Midnight Feast, of burgers, cheese and biscuits.















    And on that note, time to retire. The story of the Retreat will have to follow another day. I shall leave you with a final image to give due respect to the inspired leader of our four assaults on Henley.







    Signing off, for now, Major Mal

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    JUst mind blowingly brilliant...……………………………….. should all be in the Queens birthday honours list!!

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    Ground Control to Major Mal
    Ground Control to Major Mal
    Take your protein pills and put your pith helmet on....




    Well done! You're all mad as coots but some splendid English eccentricty there.

    Nice.

    Here comes the future and you can't run from it
    If you've got a blacklist I want to be on it


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    Nice one everyone. Looks like a brilliant evening. Great to see Quentin properly attired and well deserved recognition for Mark. Hopefully catch up with you all at a meet sometime this year.
    The early bird may catch the worm... but the second mouse gets the cheese!

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    A marvellous feat of eccentricity, and truly the first time I saw plusieurs bottles of champagne AND freshly mixed cocktails on board.

    I live in the wrong country - you just can't do that in a "Pickelhaube".

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    Quote Originally Posted by crow View Post
    ground control to major mal
    ground control to major mal
    take your protein pills and put your pith helmet on....

    :d


    well done! You're all mad as coots but some splendid english eccentricty there.

    Nice.
    :d:d:d

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    Absolutely raving bonkers... jobs a goodun boys... well done.

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    Hatters...……...excellent
    All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

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    Default The Retreat

    The morning after the night before.

    Field Marshall Fran had mysteriously gone AWOL during the night. Or maybe just got up at a reasonable hour instead of lying in...


    The surviving crew made adjustments to the bunting, and then they were off.









    A worrying amount of exercise was occurring on the river.






    A diversion upstream allowed them to scout for strategic targets, once the lottery funding comes in.












    Soon they returned downstream.






    The Okavango Delta? Well, they were dressed for it!






    The Duck had found its own roost, so Passing Honours needed to be paid.















    The heat was almost unbearable, without another hydration spot at the Angel Oasis, they were worried they would not survive. A brief diversion and they were once more ready to battle on.















    As usual in the UK, a diversion was in place. Roadworks?






    No, swimmers! Well, little pink blobs which turned into swimmers on close inspection.









    And they're off! A mile of open water, impressive stuff even to these hardy soldiers.












    The retreat continued at a modest pace, with wind behind them, and faint current with them.









    The Sergeant Major has his eye on this one!






    The lock keeper was keen to hear news of the battle.






    All to soon, they reached their home base, and the expedition was over.






    Well, nearly over!









    Chin, chin. Bottoms up! etc

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    Cheers Major Mal, great photos of a great campaign, they may be somewhere between a crack unit and a cracked unit but it was a pleasure to serve with them.

    Anybody who's not sure whether they should go to a meet or not should just go. I had only been a member for a couple of weeks and didn't know anyone here and had a ball, except the beer towing bit which was self inflected.
    Beer trawler

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    Message just in from the (retired) Warrant Officers & Sgts Mess, just up the road (a little bit) from Aldershot. With Sgt.Major Bonar Mc B residing at his Boathouse...

    "You nailed it there, well done Sir! "

    With all talk now at the bar being of 'An African Safari Paddle' to shortly follow... Best advice I can add here is ; Veterans of the above mission don't stash yer kaki away to sooo.....and for all potential new recruits for this upcoming mission...stay tuned & acquire some khaki in the meantime! (I got most of mine, at least 98% of it from charity shops! - Seek and thee shall find!)

    Once again some outstanding shots there Ma! with some super commentary (is that the right word to describe?) to boot!

    Up until I read this tonight I had some 488 pics go through before posting......

    The above post has helped me nail it down..... quite a bit!
    Keep yer paddles wet, and powder dry....

    MB

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    Quote Originally Posted by sk8r View Post
    Ya know, I used to be pretty close to the daughter of the Colonel of the Canadian Black Watch - the Royal Highland Regiment of Canada - and I'm pretty sure the ol' boy would have had apoplexy at the sight of those Crocs with that kilt!
    I'M DOING MULTIPLE PRESS-UPS AND SIT-UPS NOW!

    I see now that I was incorrectly dressed above, and also wearing the wrong foot attire when donning The Black Watch Cloth....of which I am now truly sorry!

    Guessing now, that I'll be shot at dawn for having my two upper shirt buttons open during the above presentation....

    In my defence though , it was hot that day and I had no idea what was about take place....

    ...and also that I can fight just as well in any situation in either a pair of NAAFI flip-flops, Crocs or Beer Soaked Dessert Boots from an Aldershot Pub.......whilst wearing a kilt!

    Whilst of course exercising a little decorum along the way when neccessaery....
    Last edited by Bonarmbj; 25th-July-2018 at 03:16 AM.
    Keep yer paddles wet, and powder dry....

    MB

    ´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸ ><(((( ((º>
    `·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸ ><((((º>

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    "And the Sergeant for this got a D.C.M.
    And the Colonel an O.B.E.
    Lieutenant Bird got the D.S.O.
    And Sam got... five days C.B."

    - Stanley Holloway -

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    Inspired, I just had to post this sk8r...

    Sam, Sam, Pick Oop Tha' Musket

    • It occurred on the evening before Waterloo,
      And troops were lined up on parade,
      The Sergeant inspecting 'em he was a terror,
      Of whom every man was afraid


    • All excepting one man who was in the front rank,
      A man by the name of Sam Small,
      And 'im and the Sergeant were both 'daggers drawn',
      They thought 'nowt' of each other at all


    • As Sergeant walks past he was swinging his arms,
      And he happened to brush against Sam,
      And knocking his musket clean out of his hand,
      It fell to the ground with a slam


    • 'Pick it oop' said the Sergeant, abrupt-like, but cool,
      But Sam with the shake of his head,
      Being that thou knocked it out of me 'and,
      Let thou pick the thing up, instead


    • 'Sam, Sam, pick oop tha' musket,'
      The Sergeant exclaimed with a roar,
      Sam said 'Tha' knocked it doon, reason tha'll pick it oop,
      Or it stays where it is on't floor


    • The sound of 'igh words
      very soon reached the ears of an officer, Lieutenant Bird,
      Who said to the Sergeant, 'Now what's all this here?'
      And the Sergeant told what had occurred.


    • 'Sam, Sam, pick oop tha' musket,'
      Lieutenant exclaimed with some 'eat,
      Sam said, 'he knocked it down, reason he picks it oop,
      Or it stays where it is, at me feet'


    • It caused quite a stir when the Captain arrived
      To ‘find out the cause of the trouble’
      And every man there, all excepting Old Sam,
      Was full of excitement and bubble.


    • 'Sam, Sam, pick oop the musket,'
      Said Captain, for strictness renowned.
      Sam said 'He knocked it doon, reason he picks it oop,
      or it stays where it is, on the ground.'


    • The same thing occurred when the Major and Colonel
      Both tried to get Sam to see sense,
      But when Old Duke o' Wellington came into view
      Well, then the excitement was tense


    • Up rode the Duke on a loverly white 'orse,
      To find out the cause of the bother,
      He looked at the musket and then at Old Sam,
      And he talked to Old Sam like a brother


    • 'Sam, Sam, pick oop tha' musket'
      The Duke said as quiet as could be,
      'Sam, Sam Sam Sam, pick oop tha' musket,
      Coom on lad, just to please me


    • 'Alright Duke,' said Old Sam, 'just for thee I'll oblige,
      And to show thee I meant no offence',
      So Sam picked it up, 'Bravely, lad' said the Duke,
      'Right-o boys... let battle commence.'


    Now that's what you call man management!

    On a further historical note here , a few miles to the East of my present position, there is a huge statue of the Duke of Wellington on his loverly 'orse, and a few miles to my West, his sprawling 7000 acre estate of now parkland, woodland and arable farmland.....

    I'll have to send you a few pics of this county of Hampshire in England, that is so deeply steeped in military history....

    With many memorials, and peaceful gardens dedicated to the Americans and Canadians that were stationed here prior to the D Day Invasions....who never came back.

    Politicians and Presidents will change over the years, some for good,and some for bad....and rare few of them them will have ever fought their disputes on the battlefield....

    That's just left to likes of us, who pay the ultimate price....

    "Well, if you know a better hole, go to it!"

    Sgt. Major Bonar Mc B
    Last edited by Bonarmbj; 26th-July-2018 at 01:50 AM.
    Keep yer paddles wet, and powder dry....

    MB

    ´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸ ><(((( ((º>
    `·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸ ><((((º>

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    I love the Sam stories - still have my ol' Granpa's phonograph records of them - know most of 'em by heart. I've not seen the Duke's statue in Aldershot, but I have visited the 'Lion' memorial at Waterloo on the battlefield. There's something wonderful, but very frightening about places like Waterloo and Gettysburg and the decks of H.M.S. Victory, where ordinary people did extraordinary things.

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    Talking now of which where ordinary people do extraordinary things, when faced with do or die....and culinary situations!....
    I would now like to put forward the name of an individual,who above, who was also involved in this mission, and one that helped make it be so successful.....

    Fran!

    Whenever I now think about he Henley festival from here on in...all I can now visualise (forever now!) is Frans' Baked Camembert with Garlic Bread... along with some chilled fizz and great company!
    Last edited by Bonarmbj; 28th-July-2018 at 03:15 AM.
    Keep yer paddles wet, and powder dry....

    MB

    ´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸ ><(((( ((º>
    `·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸ ><((((º>

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    Hoping now to add a few more pics to this thread, with maybe a few shots that Mal may have missed..... But, let's face it, the chances of that are pretty slim!

    Onwards an upstream, as ever!

    There will be one or two other pics yet to follow, as I get some time off this coming Sunday....

    Hoping now that this is not of any bother....



    ...and that it's "Nae Fuzz Mal!" (Or the equivalent in Portuguese!)
    Last edited by Bonarmbj; 28th-July-2018 at 03:13 AM.
    Keep yer paddles wet, and powder dry....

    MB

    ´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸ ><(((( ((º>
    `·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸ ><((((º>

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    Great blogg as always. I do so love seeing the blogg of the Henley Festival. I’m just back from a week away and had to wait till now to have a good enough internet connection to read this. Well worth the wait.

    I do worry that if I ever can manage to attend I may not manage to be suitably prepared. I’d hate to be the one letting the team down.

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    Thank god there is no Bedford River festival next year , We'll Be There for the next campaign of The Men & Women in Kilts!

    Brilliant Blogg and pictures Mal, it make one envious and sad that we had other arrangements.

    Well done Mark , an honour that was well deserved and has now set the bar even higher, for any competition.
    Simms ..

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    Marvellous, I really want to do this but its a long way from Yorkshire. Maybe try for next year.
    Calefactio orbis? Culus meus!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rimfire View Post
    Marvellous, I really want to do this but its a long way from Yorkshire. Maybe try for next year.
    Somebody once said that the difference between an American and an Englishman is that an Englishman thinks that 100 miles is a long way, and an American thinks 100 years is a long time.....(which i think is probably true... )

    That trip is about 300 km (give-or-take) which is almost exactly the distance I'm going 1st thing tomorrow for a weekend paddling & fishing north of town. Just an ordinary weekend jaunt. A long trip would be the 2300 km. (round trip) I did last month for ten days in the backcountry... it's all in how you look at it, I guess. Get your Union Jacks & your champagne ready for next year!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by sk8r View Post
    Somebody once said that the difference between an American and an Englishman is that an Englishman thinks that 100 miles is a long way, and an American thinks 100 years is a long time.....(which i think is probably true... )

    That trip is about 300 km (give-or-take) which is almost exactly the distance I'm going 1st thing tomorrow for a weekend paddling & fishing north of town. Just an ordinary weekend jaunt. A long trip would be the 2300 km. (round trip) I did last month for ten days in the backcountry... it's all in how you look at it, I guess. Get your Union Jacks & your champagne ready for next year!!
    Fair point on the distance, but as one of our colonial friends I rather fancy you have an advantage when it comes to fuel prices. We are currently paying more than twice what you are per litre.

    Union Jacks and champagne fine, but I am a Scot and a Lowlander at that. Kilts are for highlanders so I shall be on jankers for being improperly dressed by not wearing a kilt. Pith helmet and tartan shorts will have to suffice methinks.
    Calefactio orbis? Culus meus!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rimfire View Post
    you have an advantage when it comes to fuel prices. We are currently paying more than twice what you are per litre.
    Seriously???? Sonofabitch.... . Why?? Don't you have domestic oil from the North Sea or something?? Taxes??? At those prices I'd probably just paddle the Lake by my house......

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    Taxes. Last month I drove from Calgary, Alberta, to Montana, Missoula. It took a full tank of petrol, which cost the grand sum of US$35. Filling up the VW Passat here costs around £80 from empty. There is a reason I bicycle to work. (Actually you can buy a cheap Chinese bike for the same price it costs to fill up a car in this country.)
    ;-)

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    Petrol prices here about £1.30 litre. Actually I cheat. My discovery has been converted to run on LPG (Liquefied Petroleum Gas) It starts on petrol (gasoline to you) and switches over to LPG when it warms up. LPG in UK is about the same prices as gasoline in USA, just that the discovery with it's 4 litre engine only does 17 to the gallon. 17 to the gallon at half the price of petrol makes the Discovery bearable to drive for cost and although it is 17 years old I have leather seats, air con, reactive suspension (stiffens up when you go round a corner at speed) high and low ratio gearboxes and outstanding off road performance. It also carries our two canoes and pulls the trailer tent at 70 mph with family on board and loaded to the roof. I hope I can still afford to keep it when I retire in about 4 years time..................!
    Calefactio orbis? Culus meus!!

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    I know of two Edinburgh lads who think nothing much of distance.....
    https://youtu.be/tbNlMtqrYS0

    Hope this works! (It worked!)

    Not far now lads, it's only over the next hill...
    Last edited by Bonarmbj; 2nd-August-2018 at 10:36 PM.
    Keep yer paddles wet, and powder dry....

    MB

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    LOVE that song and LOVE that movie......

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    Walk 500 miles? That's a hell of a portage!
    Calefactio orbis? Culus meus!!

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    Rimfire,
    Once that you've tasted Fran's Baked Camembert with some of her Garlic Bread, beside the river, any river.....you'll think nothing further of distance... and believe me now, you'll just be happy for that... willing now to die-for taste!
    Keep yer paddles wet, and powder dry....

    MB

    ´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸ ><(((( ((º>
    `·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸ ><((((º>

  35. #35
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    Wonderful stuff chaps....as beautifully bonkers as ever.

    My tuppence worth on the distance, having just driven 5 days and a few thousand km in Canada is that 100 miles in the UK is so stressful on our crowded, pot holed, road raged carriageways that it is surely equivalent to 10,000 Canadian miles on their smooth, quiet roads with courteous, non speeding drivers?

    The Bonar Award was well merited, congratulations old bean!
    A ship should not ride on a single anchor, nor life on a single hope - Epictetus

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